Showing posts with label Nonverbal communication. Show all posts

Monday, July 15, 2013

Sexual Signals: Availability, Willingness, Challenge

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The woman in the photograph at left is virtually screaming her message in non-verbal but obvious cues, designed to send out, at minimum three messages, each and all related to a very physical seduction.

And none of these seductive signs is related remotely to the provocative manner in which she is dressed or her physical attractiveness by average US "typical" male standards. In fact she is a study in temptation, persuasion and a potential call (to the right bidder) to action.

There is a seduction in the making, just by examining this picture.

No details are necessary.

1) The twisting of her hips and lower midsection is associated with flexibility, fitness, eagerness to move and sultry sexual activity. Further it thrusts her chest partially forward (straining confinement), while putting her hips in a passive, receptive position;

2) Her straight forward, full-contact facial expression and position, as well as her slightly cocked right shoulder [as if there were a chip on it] presents an opportunity and a challenge, if you were to dare to take it. She is signifying courage, haughtiness and self-confidence, but she is accentuating her look of accessibility and willingness;

3) Her right hand, which is tugging downward at her jeans is indicative of aggressiveness, and is a way to subconsciously (on the part of both the young woman and her quarry) cause the observer's eyes to complete an intensified visual triangle of her right shoulder, her left breast, and her right hand, tugging at her jeans. The viewer (presumably her quarry), as a matter of courtesy would try to maintain eye-contact, but his/her peripheral vision would force involuntary repeated looks at the seductive triangle which she has accomplished without even moving.

Her principal mode of non-verbal communication is posture, as opposed to gesture, and it is indeed quite potent. It is critically important to remember that body-talk is not necessarily conveyed through motion or gesture or mobile signalling -- our message is often made very clear just by our posture or stance.

As always, thank you for reading me and for sharing my articles with your connections and colleagues through your social media channels and using your growing selection of social media sharing tools.

Douglas E. Castle for The Sending Signals Blog and for the CFI Group Of Companies.

Sponsored By:
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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Microexpressions: Hints To Subconscious Lies And Doubts.

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In this world of ours, most people believe that all people lie some of the time, and that most people lie a great deal of the time. The 'tells" that indicate that someone is lying to you are very important to recognize. You may change your strategy going forward, you may confront the subject fibber regarding the issue, or you may choose to cease to engage with this person.

Salespersons, negotiators, commanders, team leaders need to read the subtle non-verbal signals of the body in order to make decisions.

What I find fascinating as the author of The Sending Signals Blog is how those persons lying to us are actually not even fully aware that they are lying -- that we, as questioners, sellers, presenters and interrogators can oftimes tell that our counterpart is lying before the fact of the lie has graduated from his or her subconscious or unconscious mind to his or her conscious awareness.

The brief article which follows appears courtesy of the American Express Open Forum:
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5 Ways to Detect Lying Clients by Reading Their Facial Cues

Mike Michalowicz, Author of The Pumpkin Plan

October 16, 2012

The truth lies not in what people say. It is what they say and what they do while they say it that speaks the truth. The truth is revealed through microexpressions, subtle changes in the face that happens for only a fraction of a second. A microexpression is just like any other facial expression (e.g. a wide-open, slacked jaw expressing utter surprise) it is just expressed momentarily, before the person “recovers” to a lying expression that matches their lying words.

Once you understand how facial cues work, you can match your clients' words to their actions and “hear” the truth every single time. Here's the beginner's guide to reading facial cues and what your client is really telling you.

These five diagrams are deceptively simple but are wonderful illustrations of micro expressions -- those expressions which mean that the person with whom we're speaking is either conflicted, confused or simply lying.

Study well and learn to read micro expressions -- even if the rest of the non-verbal and verbal cues all seem affirming and sincere, these micro expressions are the subconscious mind's way of giving physical expression to internal conflicts.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Body Language: Feet Don't Lie!

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BODY TALK - FEET FIRST...

Non-verbal communication, much of which is body language, is more complex than many people think. Going a working knowledge of body communications requires learning about a number of different subsystems, some of which, at times, can seemingly be at conflict with each other. For example, certain finely-nuanced or internally-conflicted emotions can cause an individual to send seemingly conflicting or inscrutable body language.

Often, general facial expressions seem to conflict with the expression of the eyes. Just as often, an individual will cross his or her arms not out of hostility, but either to keep warm (in a cold room), or to signify self-protectiveness or fear, and not closed-mindedness, hostility or indifference.

To read someone well, you (as the interpreter or interrogator) must understand the subtleties of each of these body language subsystems, how they are integrated and balance each other, and which ones weigh more heavily (in terms of truth of expression) than others. Misreading body language can lead to some unfortunate impressions and some hapless self-fulfilling prophesies.

While the face reveals many of the key body language key clues, the rest of the body fills in the balance of the story. The starting point? The feet. Some experts at reading body language have hypothesized that the the feet are the most "honest" part of the body and really let you know how someone feels about you.

One theory as to why this might be true, is that people are not as self-conscious about the positioning and movement of their feet (unless they are either playing hopscotch, or are contestants of "Dancing With The Stars") as they are about other more ordinarily studied and discussed body parts and poses. The feet have a very direct connection to mood -- and this is not to be confused with the crossing and un-crossing of legs, which is actually governed by an entirely different non-verbal subsystem.

People tend to be unaware of the fact that their feet are communicating - as such, they tend not to simulate or disguise cues by consciously re-positioning their feet.

The "Feet Cue":

Whether you're sitting or standing, if a person's feet are pointed toward you, that's a signal that that individual is enjoying your company, interested in what you are saying and probably wants to focus his or her attention and time on you. It is an even more positive combination of cues when that person's feet are pointing directly toward you, and if they are slowly moving closer toward you to bridge the spacial gap between your bodies. But if the other persons' feet are angled away from you, odds are that he or she is not focused on either you or what you are saying, and is unintentionally signalling that he or she would prefer to be somewhere else.

At the risk of having my readers and friends groan, when it comes to body language, you might want to start at the bottom. [This could have been far worse...I was thinking about saying something along the lines of "...you've got to learn to accept de feet..." - I actually spared you].

Douglas E Castle for Sending Signals Blog

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Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Phrasing, Framing And Tone - POWERSPEECH

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The content, and even the urgency and importance of what you are saying are not adequate to win the attention, focus and receptiveness of your audience. Parties on the receiving end of your communications can be rendered either receptive or unresponsive by the manner in which the message is conveyed. Once again, quoting my mother (expert in virtually everything, regardless of her personal level of experience or knowledge of the facts), "It's not just what you say - it's how you say it." She was right. Metaphorically, some individuals won't realize that they are getting a gift unless it is elegantly wrapped in shiny paper and tied with a festive ribbon. Put in another way, the difference between a tiny mound of uncooked ground beef and steak tartar (sp?) is in the presentation and the method of serving [and, of course, the price].

In getting your message the attention and responsiveness it warrants, be advised:

How you phrase it counts.

How you frame it counts.

How you use your tone of voice counts.
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Discussion:

No matter what the nature of your message, you must (despite yourself, and despite years of societal conditioning) frame it in a positive way, and in a positive tone.

The Human subconscious disregards negative commands.

In fact, as soon as you run to your boss at the Toyota dealership (or wherever you may happen to be working) and say, "Boss! We've got a problem!," he (or she) will 1) become defensive, unresponsive and angry, and 2) will resent you, personally. -- yep -- it is sort of like that whole, saddening "kill the messenger" thing.

People respond to bad news, or more accurately, to badly-framed and negatively-intoned messages, with fear, resentment and paralysis. This is behavior which is hard-wired into all of us.

In communicating, you have two choices:

1) Change Human Nature; or

2) Accept Human Nature, study it, and use that knowledge to your advantage.

Let's eliminate the guesswork. Choice 2) is the better one. [If you chose number 1, you are indeed either a) an ambitious person; b) a truly impressive optimist, or c) a somewhat feeble person who does not perform well on multiple choice tests. If you fall into this latter category, you are excused and needn't continue reading]

If your business is experiencing problems, and you stand up in a meeting and say "What costs can we absolutely cut? What things can we definitely survive without?," every person in the meeting will sense impending doom, and creativity will shut down.

In a business meeting, talking about "cuts" and "survive" (and other words which are negativevly-charged in their usual context) is not only detrimental because people generally try to escape problems rather than solve them...it can actually initiate a downward spiral in many other areas of the business. It's an attitude-killer.

Talking about how to increase revenues, or how to raise money will generally yield more cooperation than "what can we cut?" The first sounds like ambition. The second sounds like gangrene or some other horrible disease requiring amputation, dismemberment or something equally unpleasant.

There are exceptions.

For example, if the boat has sprung a leak, or the nuclear reactor is overheating, or there is a bomb threat in the mall, you occasionally have to wave the proverbial red flag as an immediate call to action.

Having said that (and I did, didn't I?), unless the situation is a physically threatening emergency which requires immediate, definitive action in order to avoid loss of life, the tone of your message, and the way in which you ask a question or make a request must be positively framed.

As they say..."The glass is always half-full." This is unless, of course, you are Socrates, and the glass contains hemlock.

Douglas E Castle [http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com]

p.s. A special encoded note to the folks at Technorati - 5RK3JFUYB5FQ

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Power Of Touch In Communicating

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Non-verbal communication through the prudent use of touch is extremely powerful in being rapport and in accelerating the establishment of intimacy and trust. Human beings bond through touch, but your use of touch in dealing with persons whom you don't know well must be measured.

In a familial relationship or established friendship, it might be perfectly acceptable to embrace or to hold hands for an extended period of time. In dealing with very new relationships, prolonged touch can easily lead to problems.

The key is to make a brief physical touch become an enhancement, an anchor and an act of delicacy, understanding or respect during the course of a conversation. You don't grope or grab. You don't linger and stroke -- this is about business and friendship -- in fact, it is about the business of developing friendships.

What is most effective during the course of a one-on-one conversation with a new connection is a brief touch after the introductions are fully made, both persons are in full eye-contact with each other, and the tone is appropriately set. The most acceptable and socially potent gestures are a brief touch on the hand, a touch on the shoulder, or , when standing, a gentle pat on the back. If you combine any two of these three within a short expanse of time, the potential for establishing a richer, deeper, more profound level of rapport is geometrically enhanced.

Any of these gestures is far more effective than a perfunctory or obligatory handshake.

The important thing is make the gesture very private, very brief and very warm, without making it callous or invasive. Touch adds a new dimension of power, potency and intimacy (without insensitivity or inappropriateness) to any communication. It makes you, all that you've said and all that you are much more memorable to the recipient.

If you have an interesting or important point of view regarding any aspect of communications -- we are absolutely to open to any topic relating to interpersonal or organizational communications, public speaking, the art of persuasion, better writing, or even such wondrous things such as subliminal and hypnotic messaging, multi-sensory communications, intuition, instinct, extrasensory perception (ESP) or the fast-evolving notion of the Collective Intelligence, SHARE if you CARE. You might just want to write for The Sending Signals Blog as a guest columnist! If you have something important to say, let it be said HERE where it will be read, and where you'll receive the attention and audience which you deserve.