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What we look for in a leader, protector, employee, soldier or in a platonic friend are traits which are quite at odds with those traits that tend to draw us to those with whom we wish to date or mate.
The very insightful article which follows was originally published on
Yahoo! by
Match.com, the popular computer dating service:
"Dating would be so much easier if we could just take one look at
someone’s face and know all of the details about his or her personality,
wouldn’t it? While we may wish there was an app for that, the truth is,
our brains are already doing a pretty good job. When we make snap
judgments about people based on their facial shape and features, it
turns out that we’re not totally off-base with those perceptions.
“People who are attractive are perceived in ways that are desirable,” explains
Dr. Jeffrey Spiegel,
director of Advanced Facial Esthetics in
Chestnut Hill, MA. “For
example, a feminine look correlates with perceptions of
trustworthiness.” These perceptions can then shape the person being
judged so that his or her behavior actually aligns with the traits that
the observer already expects. In fact, our split-second facial judgments
are so accurate that a series of recent studies have shown people can
correctly predict who’ll win an election merely by looking at photos of
the candidates’ faces. If you’d like to brush up on your own
face-reading abilities, read on…
Related: Men’s insecurities about their looks and rejection
Trait #1: Men with wider faces tend to be self-sacrificing in competitive situations
In a
study published in
Psychological Science
conducted by psychologist Dr. Michael Stirrat and research partner
David Perrett, groups of
University of St. Andrews students were given
money to play a game where they could either benefit themselves or risk
their money to benefit their entire group. Half of the participants were
told that results would be compared between St. Andrews students, while
the other half were told they would be compared against students from a
rival university. The researchers determined that the more
robust-looking, wider-faced men in the study were more self-sacrificing
than other men when they were told about the rivalry issue. This finding
goes against the commonly held stereotype that more masculine-looking
men are somehow less trustworthy. “What I would conclude from this,”
says Stirrat, “is not that wider-faced men are necessarily more
aggressive or uncooperative, but that they are more
competitive — and when the competition is between ‘us and them,’ they are very good players to have on your team.”
Trait #2: Smiles convey a person’s hormone levels
“Features of masculinity — such as a heavy brow and angular face —
somewhat overlap with the facial expressions of anger,” says
Patti Wood,
MA, CSP, body language expert and author of the new book,
SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.
“Also, facial roundness and soft features overlap with the expressions
that indicate happiness, so we are more likely to see a smiling face as
being ‘feminine’ and an angry face as more ‘masculine.’ It’s interesting
to note that men with higher-than-average testosterone levels tend to
smile less, too.”
Related: What men and women notice on dates
Trait #3: Beauty correlates with a positive attitude
“A beautiful face is one that’s considered to be symmetric, youthful,
and encompasses the mathematical definition of the ‘high average,”
explains
Dr. John Anastasatos,
a board-certified plastic surgeon in
Beverly Hills, CA. “High average
means that if you take a face, and to that face you add composites of
other similar faces, the new face tends to be more beautiful. The more
beautiful people tend to have healthier lifestyles, healthier habits and
a healthier more positive look to society because known and unknown
people treat them better compared to unattractive people.” In other
words, beauty leads to a positive feedback loop of healthier behaviors
and attitudes. However, it’s a good idea to be wary of the “halo effect”
when it comes to evaluating attractive faces, warns Dr. Stirrat. “The
‘halo’ effect is when something has a good trait, we assume that its
other traits are good too, such as if we look at some product in a shop
and the packaging is high quality, we automatically assume that the
product inside will be too. It’s the same with faces.”
Related: 7 quirky facts about chemistry
Trait #4: Facial asymmetry correlates with depression
There’s a reason human beings are extremely attuned to facial symmetry —
often without even realizing it. “Researchers have found correlations
between symmetry and health, which lends itself to the theory that while
looking for a mate, humans and other animals look for candidates who
will be the most healthy and free of disease,” says Wood. “One study
found that men with asymmetric faces tend to suffer more from
depression, anxiety, headaches, and even stomach problems. Women with
facial asymmetry are less healthy and more prone to bouts of emotional
instability and depression.”
Related: 5 body-language signs of attraction
Trait #5: A person’s eyes can make someone seem trustworthy (or detail-oriented)
According to the ancient principles of Chinese face reading, larger eyes
suggest that someone is open and easier to get to know, notes
Simon G. Brown, author of
Face Reading: Secrets of the Chinese Masters.
People with larger eyes often feel comfortable revealing many aspects
of their character with others, making them appear to be especially
gentle, kind and accessible. This trait will make others feel they are
easy to trust and more comfortable with sharing their own problems.
Conversely, smaller eyes are a sign that the person is typically
precise, accurate and detail-oriented.
Related: The science of microexpressions
Trait #6: Rosy cheeks aren’t as healthy as those with yellower skin tones
George Costanza was wise to look for a rosy hue — though he may have
been better off looking for yellow tones in his potential dates’ cheeks.
“It turns out that yellowness in the skin is related to a healthy
diet,” explains Dr. Stirrat. “Eating plenty of fruit and vegetables
actually turns your skin a healthy yellow (from the carotenoids), and
when people rate manipulated images, they prefer those individuals that
look like they consume a good diet. It’s worth noting that this is
separate from other skin tones and therefore is true of your skin,
regardless of whatever race you happen to belong to.”
If you’d still prefer to take your time getting to know someone after
learning all these shortcuts, however, you’re on the right track. “The
bottom line is that people are attracted to others who make them feel
good about themselves,” says
Pablo Soloman,
an artist and designer living in Texas. “So, being able to express
interest, respect, finding the other person attractive, etc. will be
that qualities we find to be most attractive in a date. It all starts
with a smile and eye contact.”
Laura Schaefer is the author of Why We Fall Out of Love and Planet Explorers New York City: A Travel Guide for Kids.
She lives in Madison, Wisconsin.
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In selecting a person to date, we are generally searching for a person with whom we might wish to mate. All of Laura Schaefer's general observations, cited in the above article are the usual subconscious superficial representations of the qualities one chooses, and one values in seeking a partner of the opposite sex (assuming heterosexuality). Those superficial qualities or indicators that we look for in a date, however, are quite different than those which we look for in 1) a leader (or an executive); 2) a business partner; or 3) a person with whom we wish to engage in negotiated business commerce.
Thank you, as always for reading me, and for sharing my insights and articles with your colleagues and contacts through your social media platforms and involvements.
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