DOES ANYBODY HAVE A QUESTION?

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Dear Friends:

I am going to rant. I am already pacing with my hands behind my back as my late grandfather would do.

Sit down. Relax. Get ready...

Here goes:

If you don't ask questions, you don't receive answers. Axiomatic? Not really. A whole bunch of you don't know what "axiomatic" means (I'd wager), but you're afraid to ask...or you might be too indolent to look it up. Being afraid is painful. Being uninformed can be fatal, but merciful (at least in the meantime). And, of course, answers can reveal truths for which we are wholly unprepared.

"If ignorance is bliss, then surely 'tis folly to be wise." Damn that writer.

Why don't people (both those of you who happen to be reading this, and those of you who are not) ask questions? I'll answer that (that whole exchange, in itself, was a great example of a rhetorical question):

1. They are afraid of getting bad news. They are afraid that the answer will hurt. They feel that hope is an open door, and that certainty will crush them with its irreversible, cold massiveness. Mothers -- is it better to leave a light on in the window...to keep a place set at the kitchen table...to change the sheets in your child's room...than to know that your son was killed in the line of duty?

Is it better to know the result of a medical lab test? Without a definite answer, we can postpone tears, or sorrow, or mourning. An encounter with the truth can be horrifying. It can be mind-numbing. It can undo an entire life's work. It can tear the carpet out from under your entire reality.

My friend Will was eleven years old when he asked a question at the dinner table at his place. He wanted to find out if something that he had overheard (a neighbor's thoughtless whispering) was true. The man at the table, the man who had taken Will to Little League games every weekend, the man who had taken Will to Scouts meetings on Thursday evenings, the man who had taught Will to whistle, the man who always invited Will to go on little errands (to the hardware store, to the nursery, to the Dime Store -- with an occasional impromptu detour to the ice cream parlor)...

...the man whom Will idolized, said, "Yes, son. Your mother and I adopted you. We couldn't have children of our own. But we were blessed to find you. We love you, Willie." Will ran away from home.

When Will came back several hours later, his eyes still red with tears, he asked the man another question. "Why did I have to be adopted? Why couldn't I be normal? "

The story is true. I'm paraphrasing because I wasn't there for all of it. But Will told it to me that night. I'll never forget it. It stands out in my memory. Like an iceberg in the ocean.

In college, I asked the girl I loved if she had ever slept with another boy. She was quiet for a long while, and wouldn't meet my gaze. Finally, after my heart had been lodged in my throat for what felt like an entire autumn, she put her arm tentatively around me, looked into my eyes with a combination of love, tenderness, sorrow and regret (...an expression which I have not seen since then), and quietly replied, "But it was before I had ever met you." I was foolish and unforgiving. How I wished that I had never, ever asked that question!

The truth takes no prisoners and respects no innocence.

2. They think that other people (many of whom may, in fact, be so appallingly stupid as to be readily categorizable as inanimate objects!) will think that they are unintelligent.

I learned that Lucifer fell from grace because of the sin of pride. Is pride a sin, per se? I suppose that it depends upon whose pride we're talking about. That, and maybe the extent of the subject pridefulness. I am proud of my daughters (most of the time)...does this guarantee me roasting for all of eternity? I like to think not.

But when I fail to ask a question because of my pride, I generally consign myself to at least a brief season in the self-sacrificial sauna of sinners, with its full complement of background music provided by the Village People, Tony Orlando, The Captain & Tenille, and my third-grade gym teacher.

Don't let pride keep you from asking a question. Most people (at least half of the lot) are not as bright as you are, even when you've gone without breakfast. There is no shame in wanting to learn. There are circumstances and times which demand answers. The unasked question is a cousin of the Unexamined Life (I am really stretching the analogy here).

3. They don't trust that they will be told the truth. They lack faith in the integrity of people. Possibly all people, but probably just the people who are more likely than not to be liars. Some professions seem to attract more liars than others. I will not even dignify your curiousity by saying a single word about either lawyers or politicians.

Frankly, there have been times when I, myself, have not told the truth. In fact, there have been times when I have not known whether or not I was telling the truth. Those have been frightening.

When I ask a question, I would like to hear the truth (especially if it is good news), but, if that proves elusive or inconvenient, I can enjoy the simple notion that someone cares enough about me to tell me a whopper. By the way, pathological liars LOVE being asked questions. For example: Just ask a pathological liar, "Are you lying to me?" Suddenly, you'll be off on a grand and glorious adventure!

Interestingly, sociopaths are all pathological liars -- but not all pathological liars are sociopaths. I don't know why this strikes me as funny.

It reminds me of that old joke; Q: "What's the difference between a lobbyist and a hooker?" A: "A hooker earns an honest living."

Any questions?

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle




DOUGLAS CASTLE
CHILDREN'S INTERNATIONAL OBESITY FOUNDATION - HELP SAVE A CHILD'S LIFE.
THE GLOBAL FUTURIST
THE INTERNATIONALIST PAGE
HUMANITAS MAXIMUS

SEEING ORDER IN THE CHAOS

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Dear Friends:

Hello, again. It has been quite some time. Please accept my apologies for not posting to this site. I have made a bargain with myself (which is always a win-lose situation) that I will post weekly. Keep track, and yell, if you wish.

Perception (used interchangeably here with perspective) is the conduit through which impressions and their ensuing emotional responses are formed. This explains why two people can witness the same event, taste the same cuisine, hear the same music, and walk away from the experience with completely opposite feelings. One individual is delighted -- the other is disgusted (which rather brings to mind the example of a honeymoon for a couple brought together in a pre-arranged marriage).

Perception has its roots in many variables, some of which include past experience, genetic inheritance, biochemistry, familiarity, social influence, time, distance and context. Malcolm Gladwell, author of THE TIPPING POINT, brought this last term into popular use.

Context is the way in which you see your circumstances. A feeble example would be where a young woman, at home by herself while her husband is away on a business trip, is awakened at night by the sound of someone coming in through the living room window; sadly for her husband, who has come home early {with a bouquet of red roses} and has misplaced his keys, she slams him over the head with an Oreck vacuum cleaner, thinking that he is a burglar.

The vacuum is under warranty, but the husband's cranium, tragically, is not. Because of the context, the young woman acted in a way that was terribly misguided. But, due to this element of context, she thought that her action was absolutely justified...and, based upon how she viewed her circumstances in the perceptual distortion of that moment, she did the right thing.

EPILOGUE: The husband lived, ran for high political office, and won. The wife convinced a judge and jury, after reading Gladwell's book, that it was a case of "context", and was freed after being found "not guilty".

On a serious note, the effect of time on perception is very significant. As we grow older, it seems that each year passes more quickly. If we glance at some high clouds for a moment, they appear to be still; but if we relax and watch them for a few minutes, we notice that the wind is pushing them majestically across the sky. We plant seeds, and they grow -- but we do not actually detect the minute upward movement of a tender sprout through the soil -- we gauge growth at intervals, each day when we stop to look at the garden.

It is much the same with distance. Standing on the ground and looking at a building, the Earth seems flat and motionless. From a space shuttle, as we get further away from the planet, we see that it is, in fact, almost spherical in shape. Combining the effects of time and distance, beyond the ordinary realm of our limited senses, we would notice that the Earth is not only shaped like a sphere...we would notice that it is rotating about its axis (albeit a bit wobbly), and is slowly revolving around the Sun in an elliptical orbit.

Perceptions limit us. They let us see the trees without taking notice of the forest. They don't permit us to realize, when we are very young, that seasons are, well, seasonal. We see isolated examples and assume that they are indicative of the entire group. We are always acting on insufficient information. We try to extrapolate a trajectory without sufficient points. The error is compounded by the sad fact that when one of us is looking at the head of a big beast, the other is looking at the tail.

The narrowly drawn parameters of our perception keep us from seeing and feeling the rhythm of the waves and cycles that constitute the infinite world that surrounds us. We see and sense so little of what really matters. On solemn reflection, our short lifetimes not only keep us from understanding eachother... they keep us from seeing the order which likely lies beyond the chaotic, and cause us to react more often than we reflect.

It is something worth thinking about. When dealing with others, we have to allow for the differences or flaws in our perception of the same events. Being aware of the perception barrier can change the way you observe, listen and communicate.

Signals are so often misinterpreted. In our relationships, there tends to be far too much friendly fire. But that is merely my perception.

Fatefully,

Douglas Castle

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CREATE OR DESTROY

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CREATE Or DESTROY

Dear Friends:

Some people earn -- while others feel sociopathologically content is stealing from them. Some people create, while others destroy. Some invent, while others ridicule. Some are the avatars of change, while others burn them at the stake.

In our society, we tend to worship destroyers and promote them. The prosecutors rise to power while the innovators are trampled into the ground. The fear-mongers frighten us, but we somehow feel that they are protecting us. They are actually the perpetuators of fear -- they pander to our comfort with stability, mediocrity and paranoia. They keep us safe --- just like prison guards.

Are you a creator, or a destroyer? Which spirit do you admire? Will you cement the bricks, or take a wrecking ball to them, while others cheer your victory over "dangerous" new designs and ideas?

Will you nourish the evolution of mind and spirit, and encourage creativity and potential -- or will you ban and burn books, quash all protest, reward inertia? Living in fear, and worshipping its champions keeps us enslaved. And ironically, we fear the rebellious, questioning aspects in ourselves almost as much as we fear those others who constantly remind us that we can be an amazing, creative species.

Embracing mediocrity is like doing a dance with the Grim Reaper. The Way of INTERNAL ENERGY PLUS demands that we create, and that we encourage others to do the same. There can never be progress or success until we welcome creators instead of crucifying them, simply because they remind us of who we could and should be, and because they challenge us to dream greater dreams, and because they cause us to question the inferior things we have reluctantly chosen to settle for.

Don't let fear crush your spirit, and turn you into a cynic. Be an agent of positive change, and light the way for others to climb out of the pit of intellectual and spiritual imprisonment.

Offer them your open hand, and not your closed fist. Do not cast them out. If we don't fear closeness, there is always some extra room at the Inn.

Faithfully, and in Friendship,

Douglas Castle
HUMANITUS MAXIMUS
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