SENDING SIGNALS!

Showing posts with label Text messaging. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Sympathies, Condolences, Comfort And Support - Opportunities In Sorrow

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When someone about whom you care experiences the loss of a loved one, it is indeed a sad thing. But you can gain by it (in the most positive sense, and not as a sociopathic opportunist or as an emotionless manipulator) in two ways: 1) you can offer comfort to the bereaved person; and, 2) you can show your qualities of empathy, compassion, devotion and friendship to somebody who may be, in some form or fashion, important to you -- either now or in the future. There is occasionally a reward for good acts and deeds in Sending Signals beyond the trite old "Virtue is its own reward."

Beyond this, there is the fact is that people like the company and the opportunity to forge relationships with people who care about them. But that caring must be sincere. Don't miss a chance to communicate during a trying time or a crucial moment in someone else's life.

Recently a dear friend and colleague of mine lost a good friend and a professional colleague of hers, and I took the time (because I care very much about her) to write a long text message -- even though my text message was a colossally long one, I needed for her to immediately have it in her hands right then; I couldn't waste time writing an email which might not be read for several days. And so I wrote to this wonderful friend:

"I am so profoundly sorry for your loss, and for your deep sadness. I wish I could help to ease your pain. When people whom we are privileged to love are taken from us, we are never prepared.... we feel incomplete. We second-guess ourselves about the last words we said, and the last words said to us. In all truth, child, we will all have regrets and doubts in the self-deprecating distorted vision that is hindsight - but the sum, upon reflection, of the best moments, of sharing, of laughing, of just leaning on each other a bit from time to time, of just being intertwined will far outweigh our laments. And the best memories of that magic will be like sunlight through the leaves on the trees that form a canopy over the forest we wander through in the uncertain span of time we call "life." And life will indeed continue - but chastened by the inevitability of mortality, and touched by an unforgettable void, we take ever greater care to hold those we love a little bit tighter, and to tell those who are precious to us how much they mean to us. We invariably find ourselves being more generous with our love, and giving it its deserved but pent-up voice more often, with greater ease, with greater abandon, and with less fear of the consequences. We become braver in bringing our affection out into the open, where there is no mistaking it. If there is anything which I can do to bridge the distance between you and a smile, you have only to ask. You are a sensitive and beautiful soul - no need to hide it - and I'm certain that you gave your friend much to be happy about and thankful for during your time together. Love, Douglas"

Nothing else really needs to be said. You know what to do. The two links below are designed to throw you off balance. Let's see if they do.

Douglas E. Castle for The Sending Signals Blog

Sponsored By:
CFI - CrowdFunding Incubator LLC
ICS - International Connection Services
Global Edge Technologies Group LLC
CFI Business Growth
Douglas E. Castle On LinkedIn - Join Me!

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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Texting: Advantages, Limitations And Dangers

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Without being able to hear the nuances of voice or the unspoken but powerful connotative message of body language, texting back and forth (in lieu) of having a phone conversation or a face-to-face meeting, brief texting often creates a level of misunderstanding in terms of the true tone or intention of a communicated message. The following text dialog is a perfect example, taken from a very fresh, recent, real-world experience.
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TEXTING BETWEEN SENSITIVE SOULS

TRANSCRIPTION OF TEXT MESSAGE CONVERSATION

11:30 pm Eastern Time

August 20th, 2012

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Sent To Me:

U brainwashed M.He calls you his spiritual advisor! He thinks its scarey because u can read minds and see the future!! What the f---?

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My Response

B: I assure you that I've not brainwashed anyone, I cannot read minds and further, I cannot see the future -- if I could, I be playing the stock market. Sometimes needful or irrational persons come to their own "curious" conclusions. Be assured that I am quite ordinary, quite mortal. And have never, ever made any representations to the contrary to anyone - ever.

I feel that your tone is most accusatory, and I find it very offensive. I have only tried to be helpful to you. I am hurt deeply, and am deserving of either an apology or a dismissal from my good-faith association with you and your business. I have wronged no one. The next communication is yours, as I don't want to be where I' m unwelcome or where my integrity or motives are questioned. I don't want to say anything foolish or out of anger.

Respectfully, with best wishes, DC

Sent To Me

We all luv u and u r trying very hard to help me like no one else and I greatly appreciate it. Michael interpreted it in a "curious" way. I know you have only my best interests at heart. I'm sorry again. I read up on Crowd Funding. What can I do to make it up to you?

M thinks very highly of you. He called u his spiritual advisor as a big compliment.

Please write back.

My Response

No offense taken. I get this type of reaction more than I'd like, and I overreacted. I apologize if I wrote back before I'd had a chance to see the humor and the irony in it. You've still got me. We'll talk tomorrow, and make nice. Now, If you'll pardon me, I must commune with the spirits. ;-)

May I rest my case? Texting is excellent for group alerts, coordinating meetings, advertisements, charitable solicitations, sales events, coordinating flash mobs and other very emotion-free utilitarian connotations.

The downsides are frightful:

texting while driving is increasing fatalities;
texting emotionally sensitive material can cause misunderstandings due to the limited sensory nature of the messaging medium;
The phonetic spellings and acronyms being used in texting are creating a decline in the actual literacy of youth throughout the industrialized world -- wordsmithing, letter writing and poetry are fast becoming extinct.

Texting is a powerful communications utility, but you must use it with caution, lest you be misunderstood, or be in a great rush to find out more about the possibilities of the afterlife.

Amen, Messengers!

Douglas E. Castle for The Sending Signals Blog

Monday, August 06, 2012

How You Respond Says More Than What You Actually Say.

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As a society and as a civilization, we are overworked, overstimulated, overburdened, under capitalized, emotionally depressed and financially depleted. Everyone knows this. But these negative factors are taking away the precious element of empathy in our communications that helps to make our exchanges the most effective. Too much texting and too little talking is broadening the gap between the Baby Boomer crowd and the Millenials, and is creating a new 'relationship' paradigm that has us minimizing the significance of relationships in general. We're routinely De-personalizing, and becoming frighteningly mechanical as we advance. Maybe we suffer from "Machine envy."

If I telephone you, and you text me back in return, that may mean that you are busy and want to acknowledge that I have reached out to you, and that you'll call me later when things are less hectic. But if you never, ever phone me back, and I can only seem to get text messages from you in response to my telephone entreaties, my subconscious is going to invariably register this as disrespectful or unfriendly. If I don't view it as such, it means that my standards for exactly what constitutes a "relationship" have diminished with the times and the technology.

As a rule, the more in-touch (employing the greatest number of senses) we are with our counterpart, the stronger the bond and the deeper the trust that we are able to build. Without hearing a voice, seeing a face, savoring subtle non-verbal cues, and biochemistry (the pheromone effect that my parents used to simply ref to as "chemistry."

While not fully true, it is mostly true: How you respond (via text, phone, email, etc.) weighs just as heavily on the quality and effectiveness of your communication as the actual content of that communique.

The more of yourself that you give to a communication, the more effective, generally speaking you will be at conveying a message that will "get through" the rest of the noise associated with our overstimulated, multitasking society.

Do not underestimate the power of sending a stronger signal by touching more of the other person's senses.

Douglas E. Castle for The Sending Signals Blog

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Your Message: How It's Sent = What It [Really] Says.

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The manner (or technological means) through which a message is sent -- or is unsent -- conveys a message more powerful than the content within the message itself.

If you'd like to be understood and if you'd like to understand what others are saying, play close attention to the manner in which the message is sent or unsent; it's a true "tell" about the emotions and priorities of the sender...or the non-sender.

Further, if the manner in which the message is sent (i.e., a quick text with a sad emoticon, sent during your usual Monday business conference), is at odds with the content of the message ("Harvey, I am having some 2nd thoughts about our relationship. Gotta Go. Busy here!") is at odds with the gravity or importance of the message, you might be dealing with a person (the sender) who is either 1) afraid of any confrontation; 2) has already made up his or her mind and has moved on; 3) does not want you to be able to reach him or her to retain an angry, punishing distance or, is 4) classically passive-aggressive [look that up in your DSM-IV] and is saying the "right" thing in a manner meant to say the precise opposite.

Communications between people have always been complicated - but technology can now give us more of a clue than ever before as to the totality of the message, and the possible thought or emotional process behind it. It can also give us a means of sending clearer, better more meaningful expressions of ideas or feelings.

Use technology with caution and creativity - anticipate your receiver's feelings about how the message is sent as well as the wording of the message.

People are often using texting to avoid differences, discussion or dialog. It can be dismissive.

People should only be using email for official or formal "on the record" requests or messages, or for selling your things which you don't need, and of course, for spamming. [Kindly refer to The Spambox Gold Blog] .

The ultimate communication is still by telephone, and if the issue is one of timing, state it clearly in your interim text message; "Sorry! Tied up in meetings until 3:00 pm. May I call you on your cellular at 4:00 pm?" Be polite and be clear.

The best example of a conflictory message is to send your beloved a bouquet of roses, and a handwritten message about "There's something I just can't wait to ask you -- please meet me at the Grille de Romantique at 8:00 tonight. My love, Oscar" by either a mafia enforcer, a process server or attached to a drone missile. --- talk about getting to someone's heart!

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Please use the the above information as you see fit. For those of you who prefer outlines guidelines, deadlines and headlines to pure, unsupervised discretion, here are some very general rules:

1) When in doubt, pick up the phone and call;

2) When someone calls you, and it is not a convenient time, try not to text -- pick up the phone and say "I'm about to walk into the courtroom. May I call you this evening?" If you have time to text, you had time to pick up the phone and defer the call;

3) If someone sends you a text message asking, "May I talk to you? It's important." Either text back a "yes" with a good time, or a "No. I'm still too angry to speak objectively about this. Give me time. I'll call you."

If you do not answer this type of text message out of anger or without regard to consequences, you will have alienated somebody; perhaps irreparably.

BTW (lol), the above rules do not apply to good friends and business associates who wish to carry on a humorous or risque back-and-forth "volley-style" conversation. If that's your custom, and you have established that as a clandestine communication channel (which is naughty, but can be very funny) between the two of you, do it with glee. Just don't ever do it while driving or performing an elaborate neurosurgery.

I have missed all of you, and I am sorry for my long absence. I try to provide you with valuable information ("content"), but you provide my soul with an outlet for its expression, and that is a great and valuable gift. Thank you for what you give me.

Douglas E Castle for The Sending Signals Blog

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Enhanced Emails And Mobile Messaging

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I have often mentioned that both email and texting carry with them an air of impersonality, of impatience, and of conspicuous disrespectful multitasking. While my basic feelings are somewhat the same as they were a year ago (see below), "enhanced" emails and mobile messages can carry much more detail, gravity, personality and even intimacy if they are done with painstaking care. Here's my view from the past:
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Email is the appropriate broadcast or distribution forum for non-time-sensitive mass mailing, sending newsletters, for issuing memos (where an electronic record should be retained) and for sending large attachments. It is superb for contracts, as well. It is becoming somewhat outmoded by many other signaling mechanisms and applications, but it is still quite useful.

Having said this, email does not work, (certainly not even as effectively as instant messaging, rapid back-and-forth texting, telephoning, web conferencing or just getting together (in the real world, and not in some coffee chatroom in cyberspace), for having a conversation. Here's why:

1) Too much time may lapse between sending, receiving and responding. Momentum is lost, timeliness is lost, spontaneity is lost, and nuances of meaning are lost. Emails are cold representatives, and very flat-affect messengers. No brainstorming every happened through a discrete series of emails.

2) If your email subject line isn't a grabber, you're liable to wind up being inadvertently deleted -- and you'll sit stewing in anger on the wrongful assumption that your email was read. There is so much correspondence in the average inbox that your missive is likely to be missed. If it is read by the intended recipient, it may be read more than a day after it was sent.

3) Email now carries a cache, deservedly or not, of being one-sided, and is generally read with a modicum of prejudice against the sender. The hidden message that supersedes and often outweighs the email content is that "I am making a declaration from the mountaintop, and I don't wish to be interrupted by your thoughts or questions."

If you truly want to accomplish something, conversations are best carried out where there is a facility and expectation of rapid thought and response...sort of like neurons transmitting a signal.

The bottom line is this: Use email wisely. It is a useful tool for transmitting information. But never use it as a platform for passionate, urgent or sensitive conversation. It works against you.
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Now I'll take a moment to update and modify my stance (Man -- how I hate to be proven wrong!). With the availability, increasing popularity and increasing quality of voicemail embeds (http://audioboo.fm), where people can hear you speak, with the utmost sincerity for up to 3 minutes -- and with the embedding of either webcam or other videos, slideshows, hysterically-scripted avatars (http://www.voki.com), and 2 minute cartoons (http://goanimate.com), an email or text message can be personalized, more sensorially captivating, and much more meaningful.

It even affords the sender a chance to put extra creativity, and an echo of his or her personality into the transmittal.

I would strongly suggest that you give these enhancements a try -- not only for basic person-to-person communications, but even for group messages, entertainment of the recipients and serious marketing and branding. We'll have to wake up the folks at MAD MARKETING TACTICS about this development.

In the meantime, meet a friend of mine from the skeleton crew who went out on a wild bender last night and forgot to attend his ladyfriend's dinner dance...He appears to us through Voki.

You might want to forward this to all of your friends, with the possible exception of your mom or your psychiatrist....

Douglas E Castle

http://SendingSignals.blogspot.com
http://TakingCommand.blogspot.com

If you have an interesting or important point of view regarding any aspect of communications -- we are absolutely to open to any topic relating to interpersonal or organizational communications, public speaking, the art of persuasion, better writing, or even such wondrous things such as subliminal and hypnotic messaging, multi-sensory communications, intuition, instinct, extrasensory perception (ESP) or the fast-evolving notion of the Collective Intelligence, SHARE if you CARE. You might just want to write for The Sending Signals Blog as a guest columnist! If you have something important to say, let it be said HERE where it will be read, and where you'll receive the attention and audience which you deserve.