If you'd like to be understood and if you'd like to understand what others are saying, play close attention to the manner in which the message is sent or unsent; it's a true "tell" about the emotions and priorities of the sender...or the non-sender.
Further, if the manner in which the message is sent (i.e., a quick text with a sad emoticon, sent during your usual Monday business conference), is at odds with the content of the message ("Harvey, I am having some 2nd thoughts about our relationship. Gotta Go. Busy here!") is at odds with the gravity or importance of the message, you might be dealing with a person (the sender) who is either 1) afraid of any confrontation; 2) has already made up his or her mind and has moved on; 3) does not want you to be able to reach him or her to retain an angry, punishing distance or, is 4) classically passive-aggressive [look that up in your DSM-IV] and is saying the "right" thing in a manner meant to say the precise opposite.
Communications between people have always been complicated - but technology can now give us more of a clue than ever before as to the totality of the message, and the possible thought or emotional process behind it. It can also give us a means of sending clearer, better more meaningful expressions of ideas or feelings.
Use technology with caution and creativity - anticipate your receiver's feelings about how the message is sent as well as the wording of the message.
People are often using texting to avoid differences, discussion or dialog. It can be dismissive.
People should only be using email for official or formal "on the record" requests or messages, or for selling your things which you don't need, and of course, for spamming. [Kindly refer to The Spambox Gold Blog] .
The ultimate communication is still by telephone, and if the issue is one of timing, state it clearly in your interim text message; "Sorry! Tied up in meetings until 3:00 pm. May I call you on your cellular at 4:00 pm?" Be polite and be clear.
The best example of a conflictory message is to send your beloved a bouquet of roses, and a handwritten message about "There's something I just can't wait to ask you -- please meet me at the Grille de Romantique at 8:00 tonight. My love, Oscar" by either a mafia enforcer, a process server or attached to a drone missile. --- talk about getting to someone's heart!
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Please use the the above information as you see fit. For those of you who prefer outlines guidelines, deadlines and headlines to pure, unsupervised discretion, here are some very general rules:
1) When in doubt, pick up the phone and call;
2) When someone calls you, and it is not a convenient time, try not to text -- pick up the phone and say "I'm about to walk into the courtroom. May I call you this evening?" If you have time to text, you had time to pick up the phone and defer the call;
3) If someone sends you a text message asking, "May I talk to you? It's important." Either text back a "yes" with a good time, or a "No. I'm still too angry to speak objectively about this. Give me time. I'll call you."
If you do not answer this type of text message out of anger or without regard to consequences, you will have alienated somebody; perhaps irreparably.
BTW (lol), the above rules do not apply to good friends and business associates who wish to carry on a humorous or risque back-and-forth "volley-style" conversation. If that's your custom, and you have established that as a clandestine communication channel (which is naughty, but can be very funny) between the two of you, do it with glee. Just don't ever do it while driving or performing an elaborate neurosurgery.
I have missed all of you, and I am sorry for my long absence. I try to provide you with valuable information ("content"), but you provide my soul with an outlet for its expression, and that is a great and valuable gift. Thank you for what you give me.
Douglas E Castle for The Sending Signals Blog
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