It would seem to be simply a matter of common sense and courtesy to refrain from appearing distracted, unfocused, preoccupied, scattered or inattentive during a conversation with another individual. Especially when you cast in the role of listener.
Yes, you're busy. We're all busy. Too busy.
Maybe you don't have a great deal of time, but while you are having a brief, intense discussion with another Human Being, stop doing everything else except those things that are part of your critical physiological sustenance. Also:
1) Disclose any time limitations (always have one) at the outset;
2) Give the individual your undivided attention, with full eye contact, and a forward-leaning listening posture;
3) Ask the occasional gratuitous, "clarification" question, such as ..."If I understand you correctly, you would prefer...." It is proof that you are actually interested in what the content of the conversation is, and that it is important that you understand clearly.
Don't resume your multi-tasking of other business of the moment until the other individual has left your space, or you have left his or hers. This courtesy indicates that you are allowing the import of the conversation to "sink in"...that you are processing the matters spoken of.
Do these things, and people will feel that they are being heard. And that, for whatever reson, makes YOU a brilliant conversationalist. People need to be heard -- a good listener is often complimented by the ironic reference as being a good conversationalist.
Sometimes, people will assume that you have a brilliant mind behind those dull blue eyes if you just look as though you are listening intently. Sometimes, the more intently you listen (with the appropriate body language to further support this), the more intelligent the other person will think that you are.
Try it. Perfect it. It absolutely works. One of the most respectful things that you can do in order to honor a person, any person, is to listen attentively -- even for a short while.
Faithfully,
Douglas E Castle
http://aboutdouglascastle.blogspot.com/
http://www.tnnwc.com/
http://sendingsignals.blogspot.com/
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