In establishing deeper friendships and intimacy, sharing secrets on the basis of trust is a powerful bonding strategy. The power of sharing and trust cannot be underestimated, as they are the true foundation of all meaningful Human interaction and socialization.
Another strategy for building more deeply personal relationships which is not quite as potent, but which is less risky (at the outset) is the mutual invention (by you and your friend-in-the-making) of secret signs, codes and languages. This is extraordinarily childish, but it appeals to all of us at a very deep subconscious level. It also adds an element of fun to interpersonal relationship development.
A mutual rolling of eyes when a certain boring someone is speaking [in an annoying nasal tone -- I can't stand that] is a wonderful example. A special hand gesture or shared clearing of the throat when something predictable about to happen, or when a third party (there are unknowing victims in all of this, but they are not really victims at all if you have the ethical fortitude to avoid making gestures or signs about someone into a group activity).
Calling persons, objects or events by code names, even silly ones, becomes a very intimate "secret language" which inevitably has the effect of bringing two persons closer together. Ironically, many relationships have their start with a shared gesture followed by a silly nod of agreement or assent. What the parties seldom understand is that they are developing intimacy through the sharing of a private language.
I befriended one of my best childhood pals when hardboiled eggs were being served in the school cafeteria and we both, almost simultaneously, held our noses at the stench.
Sharing secret signs, codewords (usually rude nicknames) or expressions is the simplest, least risky means of having another person identify with us, share with us, and trust us with a small, seemingly harmless secret. It is a powerful building block to sharing and trusting with far greater things.
You are never too old, and the situation is never too solemn, to do this. It is powerful, fast-acting and effective...a sort of "superglue".
The world is your laboratory. I would suggest that you get started with this incredibly meaningful and significant "nonsense" right away.
Douglas E Castle for SENDING SIGNALS!
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