DOMINATING THE DOMINATORS - A FABULOUS EXPERIMENT
Dear Commanders, Communicators and Curious Persons Who Have Landed On This Page By accident.
Sometimes, when the predictable routine becomes staggeringly oppressive, and you find yourself in a major emotional slump, it becomes the perfect time to try an outrageous experiment in behavioral psychology. While this involves some element of risk, it can prove invigorating -- more importantly (and seriously), it can break the pattern that has been squeezing the will to live out of you.
If you are dealing with a highly-dominating individual in a position of authority or command above you (a boss, a partner, a spouse, a gym coach, a "friend" who likes to feed you the "truth about yourself" and who constantly leaves you feeling negatively about yourself), it is time to bully the bully. While your target will be taken aback by what you're about to do, he or she will (on the bright side) be better educated in the art of dealing with people. And, most importantly, you'll be perceived differently and treated differently.
Equipment Required: You and the target person -- alone together, if possible.
Set-Up: The set up will come to you as if by magic. Your target person will confront you about something, and expect you to waffle, waver, beg and make excuses -- after which he or she will expect that you'll conform to his or her demands (or whims) after you've cowered away, skulking like a whipped schnauzer. But this time, you're going to try something different...
The Experiment, Described By Example:
He's red in the face. He is advancing rapidly toward you. He is your boss, and he is about to scorn you mercilessly for your failure to prepare an entire business plan (deluxe with audio-visual aids and displays) which he had just advised you of on 4:45 PM on Friday afternoon. It is now Monday morning at 10:00 AM.
"Dammit, Felkowitz. I told you that I needed that plan. I promised the Board that I would have it ready to present for today's four o' clock senior management meeting. Where the hell is it? How Far have you gotten with it?"
You calmly look him straight in the eyes, without flinching, pause for a few seconds (this adds a dramatic effect, and has the advantage of building a bit of fear in your target person), and say, in a firm, but quiet voice (the deepest, most menacing one that you can muster -- I try to channel David Caruso or the late Rod Serling), never losing eye contact...
"You sound quite upset. But think about this: you gave me the assignment at the close of business on Friday and now it is Monday morning. As you know, a project of this type requires two to three days at minimum. It's unfortunate that you provided me with insufficient notice. It's unfortunate that you promised to deliver it to the committee this afternoon, because it will not be ready by then. It will be ready by Wednesday morning. Perhaps you would be best served by telling the committee that your presentation will have to be postponed until Wednesday afternoon. That way, no one will have to expect the impossible."
(pause - while maintaining eye contact)
" Is there anything else that you feel the need to say?"
(longer pause - while maintaining eye contact) - realize that bullies are frightened by logic, fearlessness and cool-headedness - your target person feels foolish, and deflated.
If he or she begins to launch a tirade, simply say, "You're obviously angry. This conversation is not going to be productive. We can continue when you've had a chance to think about this reasonably." Then walk away, and do not look back.
If he or she is strangely silent, say "I'll let you know when it's complete." Then walk away and don't look back.
Try it. You can improvise, but remember not to rush your words. Speak slowly and distinctly, as if you we either a loan shark's agent issuing a threat, or a much smarter adult talking to an unruly child who is prone to tantrums. It's fun.
Don't react to threatening or reprimanding speech. Stay cool, make eye contact, and turn the wheel of intimidation around.
Bullies thrive on your fear and compliance. Bullies are shocked when they are not rewarded with your fear or panic. Because of their nature, it frightens them.
Experiment. Take Command.
Faithfully,
Douglas Castle
http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com
http://www.TNNWC.com
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