THE "FATAL CHOICE QUESTION" TRAP"

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Dear Friends:

Yes, I know....I promised to deal with subtle communication forms, particularly those not involving plain speech. But sadly for you, since this is my blog, I can deviate from the rigid confines of my originally stated intentions. Just like a politician after he (or she) has won the election, or a home improvement contractor who has been fully paid in advance...I am now at liberty to divulge my true character and previously-hidden motives. Wasn't that cynical-sounding, yet fun?

There is a way of framing a question which makes it is for the questioner (usually a strong-willed, fantical type of character, with a definite answer or response whcih he/ she is driving at). This question is asked to force you to make a choice -- it is often rhetorical, or used to set a conversational tone, or to make you question your own feelings and motivations. The FORCED CHOICE QUESTION is not an apttempt to gain information from you. It is, at best, an attempt to obtain your assent, compromise or acquiesence. These questions are choices between extremes, without detail, and are always closed ended, not allowing for qualification or well-reasoned thought. They are highly controlling. Some are asked. Some are implied. Examples follow:

• "Either you're with me, or your with the terrorists!"


• "So then, you believe in killing unborn, living children?"


• "Are you going to help me, or am I going to have to do it the hard way?"


• "Why would you need privacy, if you truly have nothing to hide?"


• "Are you one of those morons who actually believes in_________?"

Sadly, there is little that you can do about these questions, except to issue powerful nonresponses which impugn the intelligence, veracity or motives of the party asking. Her are some useful responses:

• Would you re-phrase that as a question that makes sense?


• Why would I even choose to dignify a question like that one with an answer?


• I envy your intellectual simplicity, and self-confidence in being able to reduce a complex issue to an extreme choice.


• That is not a question. It is devisive political rhetoric. It allows no discussion, and warrants no answer.


• Your question (or statement), by its nature, is an insult to everyone's intelligence and dignity.

These nonresponses are like mirrors to death rays. they are shockingly effective, because a bully who believes that he/ she has you cornered, never expects to have the proverbial tables turned. It will not show you to be indecisive. It will show you to be strong, intelligent, thoughtful and offended. It will also reveal that you are "on" to the questioner's game and disingenuous motives. The questioner will usually be flustered, confused and humiliated. The audience will now be looking more closely at the suspect questioner than at you.

Try it. Use it. Experiment with it. Build your confidence with it.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

p.s. The chap in the photo, Bernard Kerik, a former Chief Of Police and Rudy Guliani business associate, looks worried. Perhaps he's thinking that he won't be able to get a commutation of sentence or a pardon unless Rudy becomes president. Then again, perhaps if Rudy could capture George Bush's attention (quite a challenge, that), he might be able to get the Scooter Libby quid pro quo. We'll have to wait and see.

p.p.s. How is this for a bumper sticker: JOIN IN THE FIGHT AGAINST VIOLENCE.